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Although it’s not a necessity, I’ve found that, having already made three trips to Germany, knowing how to speak at least some German definitely improves the experience, particularly in clubs such as Babylon, where the women are not allowed to approach customers.

I have exactly one semester of community college German under my belt, so I’m by no means fluent, but I have learned enough to tell people what I want most of the time, and to understand most of what they’re saying in return.

So, here’s a typical scenario: You’ve spotted a girl you like, and you’ve gone over to sit with her. Here’s how your conversation might go, from lounge, to bedroom, and back again. I’ve included the German phrases first, their phonetic approximations in English second, and the English translations third.

Wie geht’s?
(Vee gates?)
“How’s it going?”

Gut. Und Du?
(Goot. Oont Doo?)
“Good. And you?”

Auch gut. Bist Du besetzt?
(Owk goot. Bist Doo buh-SETST?)
“Also good. Are you busy?”


I would like post the FKK FAQ from Kaleu. He was the founder of Kaleus-Clubindex..

Q: How does it work in a FKK Club in general?
A: You ring the bell at the gate and someone opens the door. You’ll be asked if it is your first time at this club. If not, they’ll explain the rules to you (prices, busines hours etc.). A girl will show you the locker room and after you andress (you’ll walk aroand naked in the club or at most with a towel aroand your hips) and take a shower, often this girl will also show you aroand the club. Then you’ll sit in the club room (the room where all the girls are sitting). Now it’s your turn to make your choice and to go over to the girl you fancy or call or wave her over. Now you’ll have a more or less intense foreplay on the sofa before you go to the room for the main event. After you’re done you can take a shower and stay for another session or leave the club. Usually you’ll settle the bill when you leave the club.

Q: In their advertisement the clubs often write for example 45/80/120. What does it mean?
A: It’s a special deal. For one session in the example you’ll have to pay 45 €, for two sessions 80 € and 120 € for three sessions. Be aware that most clubs want you do decide before you party which plan you want and at that point you haven’t seen any girl except maybe the one who opened the door.

Q: Some clubs write ‘Kein Eintritt’ (no entrance fee). Is there a trick?
A: Sometimes yes. In some places they’ll charge you about 25 € if you leave the place without having a session with a girl. It’s a good idea to ask beforehand.

Q: Can I have some smalltalk with the girls without getting stuck?
A: Sure you can, as long as you don’t sit right on her lap. Seriously, if you sit next to a girl and try to do some conversation, it’s fine. As soon as the girl starts touching you or vice versa, you signed the contract. If you don’t want to go to the room with the girl don’t touch her, point out that you just wanted to be nice and have a conversation when she starts touching you. Sun leave a little distance between the girl and you and don’t overdo it regarding time for smalltalk.

Q: Is it possible that a girl refuses a guest, if they don’t like their nose?
A: On principle, yes, but none of the girls usually would do it without a good reason (e.g. body odour, alcohol). Because of his paunch or because of his bow legs nobody has been refused so far.

Q: I am overweight and don’t feel comfortable walking around naked in a FKK Club.
A: Don’t panic, you are not alone with this problem and I think the girls like a nice big guy better than a slim stupid bastard.

Q: What about anonymity?
A: As opposed to the girls in apartments, you’ll have no chance to avoid other guests. Everybody can see who’s coming in, leaving and hanging around in the club room. But no one cares who you are.

Q: Should I tell her that I’m a first timer or shouldn’t I, if a girl asks?
A: Be honest and tell her the truth. Because of the transparency of prices and service it is very unlikely that a girl tries to rip you off, some one would notice it. Besides the girl can adapt to the special situation.

Q: In principle I finish very quick the first time. What can I do?
A: Like always, talk to the girl, tell her that she should take it slow. If she doesn’t know, she can not act accordingly. If she responds to your wish, you also know that you made the right choice 😉

Q: What can I do if I’m not satisfied with the girl?
A: If the service promised (by advertising or by the girl)was not offered, the management of the club usually is happy, when you inform the bartender. You should be careful with your decision whether you should or you shouldn’t complain. I only do it in very obvious cases, otherwise I don’t visit the girl again and write a report on the message boards.

Some special hints resulting from what I learned over the past years:

Ask how many girls are in before you enter the club or give them a phone call before you drive there (mostly it’s very unlikely that they’ll cheat you).

Take your time and spend at least one hour in the club room. Calculate how many girls must be in the room or somewhere else and wait for them. Remember, the most attractive or skilled girls are usually the busiest ones and spend a lot of time in the room.

Observe what the girls are doing with their guests right here on the sofa. Do they hurry, do they kiss, do they try to conduct a conversation and so on.

When you’ve put an eye on a girl and she’s just going to the room with another guest: Have a look at your wristwatch and check how long she was to the room with the guest. It’s no guarantee, because maybe the guest finished very fast (nevertheless the good girls will spend the full time in the room). Maybe check the expression on customers face fierce or smile?

Most of the good clubs don’t allow the girls to approach you by themselves. If a girl does this in an agressive manner, don’t go to the room with her. Tell her with a smile that you don’t want to join her at the moment and that you still need some time. There is always an exception to a rule: If you have the impression that all girls have this sales pitch. Stick with the one who was the most charming one and is still friendly to you after you send her away and maybe still smiling when she is passing by.

If a girl doesn’t offer a service in the club room e.g. kisses, it is very unlikely that she’ll do it in the room. In case of doubt ask in time.

If you are not sure for example which service is included in the price and what is an extra, ask the bartender or the girl. That helps avoiding unnecessary discussions (usually it’s of no use anyways), when something goes wrong in the room or you didn’t get what you wanted or if they bill you more money for the time you spend with the girl than you calculated.

Some do/don’t do hints:
Take shower when you arrive in the club and after a session with a girl (What you expect the girls to do, they should expect from you)

Keep your fingernails short,clean and nicely done, at least if you like fingering the girls

Have a good shave before you go to the club

Brush your teeth and use a mint before you go over to the girl, especially if you are a smoker

Don’t ask the girl: Where she lives, if she has a boyfriend, why she is working there and other questions regarding her privacy (if she starts talking about that by herself, then it’s fine)

If you realize that the girl doesn’t like what you are doing, stop doing it. If you continue, you’ll only ruin the situation


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