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What’s Inside:

  • What’s Coming Up: January 2007
  • Public Service Announcement: Don’t Overpay!

What’s Coming Up: January 2007

New Passport Requirements:

According to the US State Department, valid passports will be required for all US citizens traveling outside the US, as part of the ongoing Homeland Security effort. These requirements will be introduced in two separate stages:

January 23, 2007: Passports are required for all US citizens traveling by air to Canada, Mexico, Central/South America, the Caribbean, and Bermuda.

January 01, 2008: Passports are required for all US citizens traveling by air, land, and sea between the US and any destination, including the countries mentioned above. Although recent legislation has pushed this date forward one year, the government is working to comply with this edict as soon as possible.

In any case, it’s best to apply for your passport as soon as you can. It costs $67 and can take up to six weeks. If you need your passport sooner, it can be expedited for an additional fee. Your post office is a good place to start. Or, contact the US State Department.

As these new laws will affect those of you traveling to Canada and Mexico, we’ve included more information in those sections.

Las Vegas Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE):

The AEE returns to the Sands in Las Vegas January 11-13, where you can meet your favorite adult film stars as up close and personal as the law allows. Click here to read about the good times we had at last year’s AEE. Also, watch this space next month for another report. Public Service Announcement: Don’t Overpay!

Not long ago, Nevada was a reasonably-priced place to play. No longer. There are still a few brothels that claim to look out for the average customer, but, more often than not, we leave brothels shaking our heads at the outlandish prices we’re asked to pay. There are a number of factors that have driven up prices well past the rate of inflation in recent years, such as porn stars at some of the brothels and brothel owners opening more opulent establishments. However, the largest factor appears to be too many guys unwilling or unable to negotiate or walk when faced with rapidly escalating prices.

The problem is not just with Nevada. Denizens of Mexico, Thailand, the Dominican Republic, and Brazil are also complaining about uninformed tourists who have driven the prices up. Combine this with our weak dollar, and you have a large problem in the making that may never be resolved. When you throw the big bucks around like a tourist or a big shot, you might think you’re fostering goodwill or making yourself feel good, but you’re not impressing anyone. You’re not causing anyone to like you. What you are doing is this:

Ruining things for yourself. The women talk among themselves. Soon, they’ll label you as the easy mark, and you may never live that down.

Ruining things for others. One customer agreeing to her inflated prices encourages the lady to try that tactic with other customers. Soon, other ladies decide to follow her lead. Soon, the pricing/service structure is ruined for everyone.

One enormous advantage of the German FKK club scene is that the prices are transparent. The women charge one price, regardless. The men pay one price, regardless. It’s nice to relax at a club where the money issue is a non-issue. It reduces the experience if one has to fight over prices before things even get started.

Our reporter Euro has an account of price gouging at one particular German club, and how you can help prevent it. Keep in mind that these clubs exist for the Germans who visit regularly, and not for the tourists who visit once or twice a year. If things get too bad for the German regulars, they will petition the club owners to keep foreigners out, and the clubs will comply.

Remember that whenever you’re tempted to go along with the pretty woman who’s trying to rip you off. JULY 2006

What’s Inside:

  • “When Hookers Attack”: Louis Survives a Scare in a Nevada Brothel
  • World Cup Crowds no Boon to German Brothels

Louis and Clark present…

In which Louis survives a scare in a Nevada brothel

In all the years we’ve been reporting on Nevada, Louis and I have had some good times and some not-so-good times. We’ve met a few ladies who were willing to please and a few ladies who weren’t. But, we’d never had an experience that left one of us ripped off, degraded, and physically abused … that is, until our latest swing through northern Nevada.

The perpetrator in this story is a lady of Latin American origin who worked in one of the larger Northern houses. Let’s call her “Jezebel.” Louis was hoping to meet up with Jezebel because two acquaintances whom he had taken along on a previous trip raved about her good service and reasonable prices ($150 for 30 minutes).

“Lucky” Louis

Louis was in luck the night we decided to visit. Of the four ladies who made the lineup, one was Jezebel. Louis recognized her name and her nationality and selected her right away. Meanwhile, I went on a tour with an older, enhanced blonde. She gave me her spiel. I told her I’d think about it and went back out to the bar to wait for Louis.

We leave the bar and follow Louis into Jezebel’s room. She opens negotiations by asking Louis to spend 15 grand. Louis reminds her about the $150 30-minute parties that she gave his two acquaintances, and tells her that he wants the same.

Jezebel unconvincingly says she remembers that, and then warns Louis that she’s been drinking. She motions toward a couple of nearby water glasses containing, presumably, soda mixed with booze. Is this good or bad, Louis thinks to himself. (He’ll find out the answer soon enough.)

Jezebel counters with $500. The two go back and forth until they agree on $160. Louis pulls out his wallet. As he was expecting to pay $150, he did not take the precaution of bringing only the cash he needed into the brothel.

When Jezebel sees Louis open a wallet containing extra cash and credit cards, her eyes shine with expectation, and she tries to reopen negotiations in hopes of getting more of it. Louis stands firm on $160. Jezebel agrees again, but fails to perform a DC (Dick Check), a bad portend of things to come.

Jezebel takes Louis by the hand and walks him down the hall to the cashier’s window to complete the transaction. This is done to ensure that the amount agreed upon in the room is the amount actually booked. Louis makes sure that the cashier understands that the amount booked is for a 30-minute party.

Jezebel picks up an armload of towels and turns to Louis. “Do you want to have sex?” she asks.

Looking back, Louis says that was the point in which he should have broken things off, asked for a refund, and walked out. But, at the time, he was still willing to give Jezebel the benefit of the doubt. He shrugs off the question as a boozy attempt at humor from Jezebel, and simply answers, “Yes.”

“Then we need to buy a condom,” Jezebel says, asking him for money. Louis is taken aback. In over 20 years of visits to Nevada brothels, this is the first time Louis has ever been asked to buy the condoms for his own party. The lady is supposed to take care of that arrangement.

Still, he goes with the program, handing Jezebel a 10-dollar bill. Jezebel buys six dollars’ worth of condoms, more than enough for their party, and tells the cashier to keep the remaining four dollars as a tip. She does not ask Louis if she can buy an entire supply of condoms, nor does she ask him if she could give out his change as a tip.

Back in Jezebel’s room, the strangeness continues. Jezebel insists on almost total darkness, opting only to illuminate the scene with just a tiny wedge of light seeping out from under the bathroom door. (Nevada prostitutes will normally insist on much better lighting to ensure their own safety. It will soon transpire that the one who has to worry about safety is Louis.)

Louis asks for better lighting because he wants to see Jezebel’s eyes. Jezebel refuses, saying that it’s “not romantic.” Finally, she consents to open the bathroom door and letting in more light. Jezebel then demands that Louis get undressed and lie down on the bed. She still does not perform a DC or attempt to clean Louis up.

Jezebel gets undressed herself, joins Louis on the bed, and starts a painful, jackhammer-style hand job, taking care to position herself so Louis can’t easily touch her. Whenever Louis tries, Jezebel pulls his hand away. When Louis asks Jezebel to stop the jackhammer and start the oral portion of the program, Jezebel agrees, pauses to slap on not one but two condoms, and then continues with the jackhammer. (Louis discovered later that this activity left him with contusions.)

Louis has to ask Jezebel again to stop the jackhammer and start the oral. When Jezebel breaks out the lubricant instead, Louis figures that Jezebel wants to mount him and get him to finish quickly.

Enough is enough, Louis decides. All during their brief meeting, Jezebel acted strangely, tried to change the terms of the agreement, and performed poor service. He jumps up and tears the condoms off in preparation to get dressed and leave.

Jezebel finally gets the idea. “But, honey, I was giving you oral without a condom,” she cries. What? Jezebel’s mouth never even got near the target. Was she that drunk?

Jezebel tries to stop Louis from leaving by attempting to pull him off balance and grasping at his pants. “OK, OK, honey,” she pleads, as if to tell Louis that she’ll be a good girl from now on.

But, Jezebel has “blown” her last chance and Louis wants to give her no more opportunities to be abusive. Half dressed, he shouts into the hallway, hoping that security will come and sort out the issue. “Someone come and help, we have a problem here!”

No one responds, possibly due to the loud music at the bar. Louis doesn’t wait. He grabs his shirt and shoes and, still trying to hitch up his pants, runs out of the room to the cashier’s window. He explains the issue to the cashier, who, seeing that Louis is deeply upset, tells Louis to go to the bar and have a drink on the house while she phones the Madame to authorize a refund.

Meanwhile, back at the bar …

I turned around on my bar stool to see Louis barrel into the bar, alone. This is strange. Why isn’t Jezebel there to give him a goodbye hug and kiss? Why does Louis look so upset? Some of the ladies sitting on the nearby couches notice this, too.

“Where’s Jezebel?” one of them demands.

“I don’t care, and I hope I never see her again.” Louis replies, taking a seat next to me.

“What? What did you do to her?” Sputtering, the lady jumps up off the couch and goes at Louis, fists clenched, ready for combat.

Once the cashier sets her straight, the lady’s demeanor makes a complete 180-degree turn. Rather than slug Louis, she walks up behind him and rubs his shoulders. “Give me a try, honey. I’ll do it right.” she says.

“She’s had another guy complain. He was really pissed off,” another lady chimes in.

Apologetically, the cashier tells us that it’s now 4:00 AM and the Madame has left for the evening. She gives Louis the Madame’s name and phone number, and says that she’ll document the incident so that when we return later that day, the Madame will be prepared to help us resolve the matter. The ladies who see us out seem sympathetic, hoping that we’ll come back under better circumstances so that they can take proper care of us.

Is that all I get?

We return to the brothel at 2:00 PM and are led into the inner sanctum, where the Madame and her assistant listen while Louis recounts the incident. After Louis finishes, the two women take a moment to reflect on Louis’ story, and then propose a solution that is supposed to put everything right again.

I ask you, gentle readers, what that solution could be. Keep in mind that Louis is sitting there, embarrassed, injured, and taken for $170, forced to recount the whole humiliating incident for the benefit of two strangers, and what do these women offer Louis to make things right, to restore their reputation as an upright business, to foster good will so that we can go back home and tell all our friends that while we ran into a bad egg, the brothel management really went out of its way to repair the damage and retain us as customers?

Two free drinks.

That’s right; they offered Louis a couple of watered-down sodas for all his pain and trouble. Louis and I glance at one another, incredulous. Are these people serious?

Louis makes it clear that that will not fly. He warns the women that, in addition to her exploitative behavior, Jezebel’s rough handiwork had left contusions on his private part. He offers to open his zipper and let the Madame and her assistant examine “Exhibit A” as proof.

The Madame then makes Louis a counteroffer. One hundred and sixty dollars will be deducted from the cost of his next party, but he must return within two weeks to use the discount. This is unacceptable for two reasons: one, we don’t exactly live around the corner and can stop by whenever the mood strikes, and two, the way things are going, Louis and I will probably never return to that brothel.

Finally, the Madame agrees to refund $160, saying that such refunds are never given. (Tell you what, lady, you go into a place of business and have one of the employees rip you off and cause you physical discomfort in the process, and then, when you ask for a refund, listen to the manager trivialize your experience by telling you that refunds are normally not given. Would you like that? I bet you wouldn’t.)

There is still the matter of the extra $10 that Jezebel commandeered to buy condoms and give tips without Louis’ permission. Louis asks the Madame if it is common practice for the ladies to replenish their condom supplies on the customer’s dime. The Madame admits that it is not.

Finally, the Madame relents, instructing the cashier on duty to refund Louis $170 and deduct the money from Jezebel’s pay. The cashier returns with the cash, which is handed to Louis. Twelve hours and one bruised private part later, we finally have resolution.

Don’t Let This Happen to You !!

Louis says that, when walking into a Nevada brothel, you, as the customer, should always keep the phrase “Buyer beware!” in mind. You never truly know what you’ll be getting, unless you’re a lady’s regular customer and have developed a good professional relationship.

You should be tuned in to the warning signs before you agree to anything. If the lady starts by quoting you an outrageous sum of money (like $15,000, for instance), walk. If the lady has obviously been drinking, that could mean that she’ll be belligerent or unsteady during the party. Walk. Looking back, Louis remembered these warning signs and felt that he could have called things off sooner with Jezebel.

What the brothel tried to do that night was effectively stealing from Louis. If you find yourself in a similar situation, and the brothel management won’t stand by you and attempt to brush you off, then go to the police, and perhaps the local newspaper. The brothel management will not want the negative publicity of having a patrol car parked outside for all to see. In numerous instances, they have a shaky relationship with the local government and must fly under the radar. They have more to lose than you do.

Well, that’s all for now. We’ll be back soon with another adventure to tell you about. Meanwhile, drive carefully and don’t party with the drunk chicks!

Your Intrepid Explorers,

Louis and Clark

Germany: World Cup Crowds no Boon to Sex Industry

Despite expectations that the crowds of soccer fans arriving in Germany for the World Cup would mean more customers for Germany’s working girls, this has largely not been the case.

Although Germany’s liberal sex industry has gotten much media publicity in the wake of the World Cup, most soccer fans have chosen to party in public with fellow fans, rather than party in private with prostitutes. Some of the larger brothels in the major cities (such as Pascha, in Cologne) have seen an increase in business, but overall, business has remained slow.

The German government recently legalized prostitution. It is a now protected occupation, with available pension and insurance benefits, and prostitutes are required to pay taxes. Approximately 400,000 women work in Germany’s sex trade, and more were expected to arrive specifically for the World Cup.

Stating concerns over sex trafficking, the US State Department publicly leaned on new German Chancellor Andrea Merkel to criminalize prostitution. The German government largely ignored the request, stating that although the government is committed to stopping sex trafficking, prostitution would remain legal. This legal status would give the government more oversight over the industry.

It’s a good thing that we don’t have a sex-trafficking problem here in the US, being that prostitution is already largely illegal (uh … wait a minute …).

JUNE 2006

What’s Inside:

  • Book Review: “My Name Lon. You Like Me?” by Derek Sharron

“My Name Lon. You Like Me?”
A Survivor of Thailand’s Sex Trade Tells Her Story

Very few of the women and girls who work in Thailand’s sex trade deliberately chose their path, but each one has a story. This is the story of Lon.

Lon’s story, made live by author Derek Sharron, is told in a matter-of-fact, straightforward style about her descent into prostitution and her journey back out again. It’s more than just a tell-all sex book; it travels deep into the psyche of Thai society so that the reader can understand why Lon and so many like her got into prostitution, and why it was (and is) so difficult for them to leave.

The first thing Lon makes clear is that she is not Thai. Rather, she is Esarn, from the province of Ubon, located in the northeastern area of Thailand. Ubon supplies about two-thirds of the sex workers found in Bangkok and Pattaya.

The Thais look down on the Esarn, as they tend to be coarser in appearance and less educated. They live in crude rural villages and their lives are defined by superstition, poverty, and hopelessness, as well as obedience to the Asian concept of “saving face,” which is to keep up appearances, no matter how difficult.

In Esarn society, the gender roles are clear: the women work, the men do not. The women support the family and raise the children, while the men drink and gamble. A quality education is unheard of. Most children rarely get past the sixth grade. There is very little work that pays well, and proper medical care is non-existent. The Esarn villagers are always being victimized by criminals and crooked government officials.

It is in this environment that sex-trafficking flourishes.

Sex Trafficking

As there is such a wide gap between the poor and the rich, and so very few opportunities to cross it, sex trafficking of women and children has become quite profitable. Every year, thousands of rural children and women are lured into Bangkok with the promise of normal jobs, only to be forced into prostitution. Research indicates that nearly two-thirds of 16- to 19-year-olds working as prostitutes do so against their will.

In a society where a newly minted doctor can expect to earn less than $2,500 per year, sex trafficking is an easy way to earn a lot of money in a short time. People from all areas of Thai society have become part of the industry, including many of the authorities who are supposed to be fighting against it. This includes police, politicians, and even the occasional Catholic and Mormon missionary.

She’s “The One”

The eldest daughter in every poor Esarn family is supposed to be “the one.” That means, she is expected to support the family by working the Bangkok and Pattaya sex trade as soon as she shows signs of physical maturity. Many Esarn mothers even sell their daughters to the sex traffickers themselves.
By age 13, Lon knew how her life would be if she stayed in her village. She did not wait to find out if her own mother would turn her over to sex traffickers. Instead, she ran away to Bangkok, where she eventually found a job working as a barmaid in one of Bangkok’s many go-go bars. For her efforts, she worked 28 days per month and earned $100 in salary and tips.

Deception is the Name of the Game

Soon after starting work at the bar, Lon sold her virginity to a pedophile for $1,200. The experience was so horrible that she blanked it out, but the money was more than she would earn in one full year of mopping floors. From this, Lon realized that prostitution could be the key to her survival. It would allow her to live comfortably. It would also support her family and give her sisters a good education so that they too would not have to work in the bars.

When Lon became a prostitute, she was 14 years old, stood 4 feet 7 inches tall, and weighed 70 pounds. She was the perfect sexual fantasy for those men who were after that stereotypical, innocent-looking Asian girl-woman.

Lon found most of her customers to be very unattractive, both physically and emotionally. She believed that they were in Thailand only because they could not find any women back home, and also because they could treat the Thai women in ways that women in their home countries would not tolerate. Although Lon hated being with these men, her desperation drove her to be successful at her job. She soon learned that deception was the name of the game.

It’s All About the Money

Lon soon became skilled at flirting with her customers, stroking their egos, and appealing to their fantasies. She also learned to speak English because it gave her an advantage over the other girls.

“My name Lon. You like me?” was the opening line she practiced on thousands of potential customers. She and her friends always approached the older or more unattractive men first, because it was easier to get them to spend the most money possible. They tended to avoid the rare, attractive men, as they were not so easily fooled or relieved of their cash. Soon, Lon became the top attraction wherever she worked. She made a good side income by asking many of her more naïve customers to send her money after they returned home, in return for her promises to leave the bars and marry them.

Most of Lon’s career as a prostitute took place between the ages of 14 and 17, when most Western girls are just beginning to discover boys. Sex with prostitutes under 18 is illegal. However, this is not often enforced due to corruption. Police and politicians can be bribed. Sex workers can also make enforcement difficult by carrying fake ID cards that overstate their ages. Actual Thai ID cards are low-tech and are easy to copy, as are the health cards that all prostitutes working in the bars must carry. Prostitutes must be checked regularly for STDs and have their health cards stamped as proof. However, Lon often saved a few dollars by paying the doctor to skip the examination and give her a health stamp.

A Vicious Cycle

By age 18, Lon was in the upper economic class in Thailand. She had a luxury apartment in Pattaya and still supported her mother and siblings, but her job was making her mentally and physically sick. She could no longer tolerate it, but she was trapped. She could not allow her mother to lose face with the other villagers. The only way out, she finally decided, was suicide.

Fortunately, she survived her suicide attempt, but she knew that she could not return to the bars.

Life outside the Bars

Shortly after her decision to leave the sex trade, Lon married a former customer. Both Lon and her new husband could not have a normal relationship. Her husband had no experience with women outside of prostitution, and Lon now saw men as walking ATMs. The marriage was very brief, and ended badly.

Lon returned to Pattaya, determined to stay out of the bars. She briefly worked as a nude model, and then traveled to a number of foreign countries, where she went from one disappointing relationship to another and worked in various dreary jobs, such as a dancer at a Swedish strip club, a massage parlor worker in Germany, and a hospital orderly in England.

A New Beginning

Lon ends her story by telling us about her escape from yet another bad relationship and her plans to start an organization to help women like her escape prostitution and find a better life.


Part lurid sex tale, part sociology lecture, part morality play, “My Name Lon, You Like Me?” will make you think, no matter what side of the prostitution issue you fall on. The book is available for $8.50, plus shipping, from DCO Thai (


What’s Inside:

  • “Fifty Percent of Zero”: Louis and Clark Ruminate about the Interesting Business Practices in Some of the Nevada Brothels
  • Euro Trip: Dollar Stronger … But For How Long?
  • Which Condom is the Strongest?

Louis and Clark present…

In which your Intrepid Explorers ruminate about the interesting business practices in some of the Nevada Brothels

It’s Memorial Day Weekend

Louis and I are on the road again. Specifically, we’re inside Donna’s Ranch in Battle Mountain. We both see an attractive petite blonde get picked in the lineup, but then she walks the guy. The guy goes back into the parlor and the lady stays in the back. She looks familiar. We think we’ve seen her before, perhaps at the Chicken Ranch. She also looks unhappy to be there, which could be why she stays in the back.

Even though I know I’m not going to get anywhere, I take a tour with her anyway. She’s putting off some bad vibes. What the heck, let’s get started.

I asked her for a half-hour. She asks me for $300. I counter with $200. She seems highly insulted. “I’m not a Two-Hundred Dollar Girl,” she sniffs. No, I guess not. Thank you for your time. See you later. Louis and I can’t see anyone else who interests us, so we leave shortly thereafter and head for our next stop.

In the car, we discussed the experience. We decide that we can’t understand why any brothel, especially one out in the middle of nowhere, would let two willing guys walk out without partying. I mean, Battle Mountain doesn’t exactly top the list of popular tourist destinations. What the town brothel sees are mainly truckers, along with a few locals and tourists on their way to somewhere else. Not too many are willing or able to drop three bills for 30 minutes.

If the lady hadn’t turned up her nose at me and my offer, and instead showed me a good time, I would have told Louis, Louis would have booked a party, and the lady and the house would have split $400. Instead, the house made pocket change from the sodas we bought and the lady made bupkiss. I guess grossing $200 for an hour’s work was so unappealing to the lady that she’d rather make nothing instead. I guess, for her, being a Two-Hundred Dollar Girl is worse than being a Zero-Dollar Girl.

“But I Only Get Half!”

Yes, we know that the lady has to split her take with the house. We also know that she has to pay her taxes and personal expenses out of what’s left over. In fact, Louis remembers a lady who produced a pocket calculator during negotiations, and then proceeded to deduct every tax, fee, and expense until she arrived at the much smaller figure that she would actually pocket from the amount of money that Louis was offering her.

Louis could see where she was coming from, but there might be a way around that: Treat all interested clients well, entertain all reasonable offers, give great service, and build a loyal client base. If the lady did that, she’d still need her calculator, but she’d be using it to count how much money she’s bringing in, rather than how little.

Guys visit brothels because they want to find someone who is attractive, charming, reasonable, and skilled. And, guys are willing to travel, even to Battle Mountain, if they know they can find someone with those qualities. (Louis and I did find someone like that at Angel’s Ladies and traveled there several times just to see her, but she’s no longer there. Pity.) After all, there are few options for legal pay-for-play for those who live in the US. We have Mexico and Canada for those near the borders, and Nevada for everyone else. That’s it.

“Why, I’d Get Worn Out!”

Let’s take two hypothetical Nevada prostitutes: Lady X and Lady Y. Lady X tries to work with most of the guys she takes on tours. She offers them great service at prices most of them can afford. Lady Y, who is not a Two-Hundred Dollar Girl, only books parties with those who feed her ego by paying her what she demands. Lady X builds a sizeable client base that sees her through the slow periods. Lady Y manages to price out most of her potential clients, leaving her with a much smaller client base consisting mainly of guys who are either too uninformed to walk, or who confuse higher prices with higher class or better service. Those guys who eventually get over such notions don’t return, making her client base even smaller.

Which lady will end up with the fatter bank account? It could be Lady X. Fortunately, you find a lot of women like Lady X at the German FKK clubs. When we explained these clubs to a lady at the Wild House Adult Resort and Spa, she was positively horrified. “Why, I’d get worn out!” she exclaimed. (I suspect that a woman who is afraid of getting worn out during sex is either extremely busy, which definitely was not the case here, or she really doesn’t like it much in the first place.)

Years ago, at FKK Babylon, I spoke with a lady who told me if she kept her income at a certain level, she could retire in 10 years. The lady who was so horrified by the European volume approach was still slogging away after 21 years. Now, who’s the one getting worn out?

Unfortunately, you find Lady Y all too often in Nevada. Many approach client relations as if they were playing the lottery: they sit and wait for hours, even days, until they can hook someone who is willing to pay their jackpot.

Case in point: a lady at the same Wild Horse Adult Resort and Spa asked an acquaintance of ours for $5,000 for one hour. Yes, you read that right. No, that third zero is not a typo. Who is willing to pay five grand for an hour of Nevada brothel sex, with all its rules and regulations? I mean, the lady might as well wear a blinking neon sign over her head that says, “I don’t like sex. I don’t like you. Go away.” She’d have the exact same effect on the majority of guys who walked into the brothel. I guess the target customer at most of these places is now the uninformed and the desperate.

Tacky, Tacky, Tacky

Remember what we said about guys wanting to find someone who is attractive, charming, reasonable, and skilled at the brothels? Some ladies seem to work hard at being the opposite. Rather than trying to earn the real money, they instead do tacky things to hustle guys for a few bucks, like demanding a tip after what should have been a complimentary tour, as one classless lady did at the Sagebrush Ranch, or by ordering a drink without permission and then getting loud and abrasive when the guy refused to pay for it, as one equally classless lady did at the Wild Horse Adult Resort and Spa.

When ladies pull these tacky, strip joint stunts, guys leave angry. And, they don’t come back. Everybody loses. What’s fifty percent of zero, everyone?

What’s A Few Minutes?

Another thing that Louis and I don’t understand is why some ladies insist on fighting customers over a few minutes during the negotiation. All too often we’ve run across ladies who try to shave minimal amounts of time, like five or ten minutes, off our standard half-hour if they don’t like our offer. Sex is supposed to be a relaxant. What is so relaxing about getting a stopwatch shoved in your face right off the bat? Heck, we might as well go to Tijuana if we’re expected to perform on cue. Why not put time aside and let things flow as they will? If a lady has the skills and is willing to use them, then time would never be an issue.

Case in point: At the Shady Lady, a lady and I agreed on a 30-minute party with extras at a price I was happy to pay. The lady was so skilled that she got me off in 11 minutes. Yes, she worked for 11 minutes and got paid for 30. I’m sure she liked that. As for me, I got 11 minutes’ worth of a damn fine time, which I definitely liked. If I could have held out longer, I would have, but like I said, she was good. I have no regrets. Would I do it again if I had the chance? Hell, yes.

Well, that’s all for now. We’ll be back soon with another adventure to tell you about.

Your Intrepid Explorers,

Louis and Clark


Euro Trip: Dollar Stronger … But For How Long?

Finally, here’s some good news for us European travelers. After reaching an all-time high of $1.37 late last December, the Euro is now at $1.23 (as of close of trading on Friday, June 17). This means that hotels, gas, food, and fun cost about 10 percent less than at the beginning of the year.

Most of the reasons for the dollar’s rebound have come from Europe, where a slower economy and undesirable political events have worked against the Euro. In recent weeks, the French and the Dutch both rejected the new EU constitution, and the Italian Welfare Minister said that Italy should dump the Euro and return to the lira. Even though both the EU and the Euro are here to stay, these events raised concerns about possible weakness of the EU coalition.

These European political and economic issues may keep the dollar in a better position for a while, but for how long is anyone’s guess. This year could still prove disastrous for the dollar. The US trade account deficit is now the highest on record. Oil is also at an all-time high, which will further worsen the account deficit. These are dangerous signs, as they may encourage foreign investors to begin selling their dollar securities. When this happens, the dollar may drop to $1.45 or lower, as predicted by analysts late last year. Enjoy this stronger dollar while you can.


Which Condom is the Strongest?

According to Consumer Reports, it’s Durex. Two lubricated styles, Extra Sensitive and Performance, were found to be the most resistant to tearing in a test of over 20 popular brands. It might be a good idea to take some along when you travel.


What’s Inside:

  • “Don’t Be a Party Pooper”: Louis and Clark go to Tijuana and Come Back Disappointed
  • Our Poor Dollar: What’s happening?
  • Arginine: The Natural Sex Enhancer



Louis and Clark present…

In which your intrepid explorers spend an evening in Tijuana and come back disappointed

Saturday, October  6:15 PM:
We’ve just arrived in Tijuana. Here’s our plan: First, we peek inside the Chicago Club (CC) and Adelita’s Bar (AB) to see who’s working. If we see someone we like and decide to go for it, great. Then, we get a steak at the El Taurino. Then, we get some at Venus Massage, just down the street from the El Taurino. And finally, we get out of there, preferably at a decent hour.

Step 1. On to the Zona. CC is dead. AB is just starting to pick up. The tables and booths are already full. In just a couple of hours, Chicago Club will be slightly less dead and AB will be a madhouse.

We also toured the alley behind AB. They’ve really cleaned up the place. It looks great. The streets are newly paved, and the sidewalks have been redone. The street girls are out in force. I’d never seen so many out there before. Some of the more aggressive ones hiss at us, grab our elbows, pat our bottoms. I’ve never tried a street girl. Don’t intend to try one, either.

7:30 PM:
Finally, after getting turned around a bit (my fault), we arrived at the El Taurino Steakhouse (7957 6th. Street) located on the South side of Flores Magon (6th) between Ninos Heroes and F. Martinez, a couple of blocks west of Revolucion. The place is almost empty. I hear business has dropped off considerably. The owners have responded in a perfectly logical manner: they raised the prices. The Cabreria steak, the house special, has gone from 130 to 149 pesos. The half Cabreria, which we both got, has gone from 95 to 110 pesos. I think Louis got a better quality steak than I did. He ate all his, while I left half of mine because it had too much fat and gristle. Either that, or Louis is not as fussy as I am.

8:15 PM:
Now Louis and I stand in front of what was Venus Massage, which was about a block east of El Taurino, on 6th. Street. It’s dead now, as in closed down. Bummer. We liked Venus. They were up-front with the prices. You knew what to expect, there was none of that negotiation business, and the service was far better than that in the Zona. Now, it’s gone, possibly a victim of the city government’s recent push to shut down the lesser-established sin bins in the tourist area and make Tijuana a more family-friendly destination. Once, there were 120 massage parlors in Tijuana. Now, only a few remain.

The death of Venus puts a serious crimp in our plans. Now, we have to take our chances in the Zona. Who knows how long it will be before we find something?

We head back towards Revolucion, taking care to stay off of the sidewalks. As we pass Teasers Massage parlor, a block or so east of Venus, touts try to pull us in.

8:30 PM:
The streets are all torn up due to the ongoing Revolution beautification project. We pick our way around the broken chunks of concrete and through the gauntlet of touts who try to pull us into their strip clubs and bars. “Titty bar! No cover! Naked ladies! 2-for-1 drinks!” We ignore them.

“Don’t be a party pooper!” one persistent fellow finally calls after us.

Either because we’re masochists, or because we really don’t want to deal with the Zona, we decide to double back through the gauntlet of touts and return to Teasers, hoping that they may have absorbed some of the talent from Venus.

8:45 PM:
Teasers Massage. One woman sits in the waiting room. “Is this all?” we ask. The mama-san summons another woman from the back room. Now we have two women. Two women total on a Saturday night. Both stand in front of us for inspection. The new arrival does all the talking: Forty dollars for a 1-hour massage. Negotiate with the lady for the rest. No sale. Louis and I decide to settle for the Zona.

9:30 PM:
AB. It’s now the madhouse one would expect on a Saturday night. The entrance is a continuous traffic jam. There are no places to sit and very few places to stand. Louis and I finally get a spot off the side of the bar, near the raised wooden platform. Someone gooses me. Louis and I turn around to see the culprit. We exchange smiles. “That’s Alejandra,” Louis says, after the pleasantries have been exchanged and we’ve turned around again. “She’s pretty but she doesn’t do oral.” Scratch one off the list.

We spend the next 90 minutes alternating between CC and AB with occasional side trips into the other Zona bars. Hundreds of women around, but neither Louis nor I can seem to find anyone.

11:00 PM:
I’d say the ratio of men to available women at AB are now about 10 to 1. Taxis keep pulling up and spilling out guys. Inside, one can hardly breathe, let alone move. Guys stand five or six deep along the perimeter. New arrivals congregate near the front entry, unsure of where to go, and cause a backup. Irritated waiters wave at us to move along. I guess Saturday night isn’t the best time to go if you want some space.

We pushed our way out of the bar and onto the sidewalk to watch the procession to and from the hotel and bar. The crowd standing around outside reminded us of a pack of starving wolves waiting for someone to throw them a chunk of meat. Some guys break ranks to run after the ladies as they’re coming down the stairs after their sessions. I’m not that desperate. I hope to never be that desperate.

“This place is a zoo,” I say, half out loud. The guy next to me overhears. “That’s what it is. It’s a fuckin’ zoo,” he laughs, taking a drag on his cigarette.

It’s a zoo and a freak show. The women range from innocent-looking schoolgirl types to overly ample gorditas to crudely enhanced robo-babes with huge, synthetic spheres jutting out of too-small blouses. There’s something for every perversion.

We entertain ourselves by watching how the ladies and their clients behave. Sometimes, the ladies walk with their clients and even hold their hands. Too often, the ladies rush ahead of their clients, making it clear they don’t want to be there. “Wouldn’t it be funny,” Louis asks, “if, when she runs ahead of you, you just go back into the bar and let her go upstairs alone?”

We also entertain ourselves by timing the sessions and watching the expressions of the clients as they return. You’re supposed to get thirty minutes for your money. You rarely do. You seem to be on the clock from the moment you strike a deal in the bar. Considering the time it takes to get upstairs, get a room, get undressed, and that knock on the door that comes far too early, you’re lucky if you get fifteen minutes to do the deed. Our research bears this out. Guys are being led back down the hotel stairs in twenty minutes or less. Not too many look happy, except for the youngsters who race back to where their buddies are waiting and trade high-fives.

Finding a good time in Tijuana is getting to be an extremely low-odds gamble. Crappy service now seems to be the norm, with the good provider being the exception. You might as well try to pick the winning number on a roulette wheel. You have nothing to go by. Even the inverse relationship between beauty and performance, the old standard by which you can get an idea of the quality of your session beforehand, doesn’t always apply here. Even getting reports from other guys may not help because their standards might be different than yours, or they might be too embarrassed by their own lousy experiences to tell you the truth.

Case in point:
Louis and Yvonne. Yvonne is an older gal at AB, well into her 30s. Not a looker, but not bad either, with a large, natural chest. Louis tries to do some recon before trying to strike a deal with her. He finds two guys who were with her earlier and asks them how she was. The verdict: She was great.

So, Louis goes for it. Now, Louis is not a newbie. He knows how to negotiate. But, Yvonne doesn’t budge. Why should she, when easily, get her price from any one of a dozen guys? On a night with less competition for her services, she might be a wallflower. Tonight, she’s a hot commodity in a seller’s market. She holds fast at $60. Louis finally agrees. Off they go.

12:30 AM:
We’re back in the car, heading north towards home. Louis is not happy. His gamble did not pay off. Yvonne gave him a lousy time. Louis says she follows a strict agenda designed to get the customer off and out in 10 minutes, maximum. Anything beyond that gets the rush treatment and the “Hurry up and finish!” routine. At $60 per 10 minutes, we’re talking $360 per hour. Those are Nevada prices.

If that’s not bad enough, Louis says that Yvonne insisted on wrapping his equipment in toilet paper before getting down to what loosely passed for business, so she really wouldn’t have to touch anything.

Louis and I spent the rest of the drive home discussing the sorry state of affairs in Tijuana. We agree that it’s gone downhill over the years. Prices have crept up. The quality of service has slid down. There’s nothing in the way of quality control, no incentive for good service. The aim of the ladies seems to be to get the maximum and give the minimum. Many of the ladies don’t want to be there, for whatever reason, and it shows.

Sexually speaking, Mexico is just as backwards as the US, if not more so. It’s not easy to find women who really know what they’re doing, unless you have the time, money, and patience to try to cultivate a relationship that goes beyond the bars.

Even the “Wild West” atmosphere in Tijuana has gotten too wild for us – it’s getting tough to walk around most places without having to look over your shoulder and stay off the sidewalks. You always feel like a target. Even the cops have pestered us on more than one occasion.

The bloom is off the rose, as they say. It could be a long time before we head south again.

Well, that’s all for now. We’ll be back soon with another adventure to tell you about. In the meantime, stay off the sidewalks and avoid those ROBs!

Your Intrepid Explorers,

Louis and Clark

P.S.: You may have better luck in Tijuana than Louis and I did. Stay happy, healthy, and safe while you’re down there. See our Tijuana FAQ for all the information you’ll need before you go. Strip clubs, bars, lodging, restaurants, transportation, crime, tips, and advice.


Our Poor Dollar: What’s happening?

It certainly sucks to be an American wanting to go overseas right now. The Euro and other major currencies have been growing by leaps and bounds against the dollar. Why? Mainly because the US government has been spending far more money than it has been taking in. Everyone knows we can’t afford to keep that up for very long, and that is scaring investors away from the dollar and into other currencies.

The government must close the deficit to fix this. The obvious solutions are to cut spending or raise taxes. But, Bush has not been able or willing to do either one. We’ve got a war, and Bush wants to make the massive tax cuts of his previous administration permanent. There are other ways to cut spending, but they’re politically unfeasible for various reasons.

So, without enough domestic capital inflow or enough spending cuts, the only solution for managing the deficit is to let the dollar weaken. That will lower the prices of the goods we export and raise the prices of the goods we import. We sell more, buy less. Good for US companies, bad for us travelers.

But, if too many investors sell the dollar and its value drops, then even more investors will dump the dollar and it will collapse. The result: A recession here and an economic crisis abroad. No one wants that. So, US and European economic policymakers will try to keep the dollar’s decline gradual rather than extreme, and will buy the dollar if an economic crisis looks likely.

The upshot:
The trends are in place. Get used to a bad dollar. It won’t get better (except temporarily, in response to various market conditions or government intervention). It will get worse, and it will stay bad for the next several years (unless the Bush Administration begins to attack the deficit ) aggressively. How much worse remains to be seen.

So, if you’re planning to go to Europe, then go as soon as you can, before the cost gets completely unreachable.


The Natural Sex Enhancer

Arginine, an amino acid, has been shown to increase blood flow to the pelvic region and help sexual arousal. Pick up a bottle at a health food store. But, see a doctor first if you are already taking drugs for a heart condition.

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