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The Edinburgh Sex Services Scene:
What follows are personal views on the Edinburgh sex scene, gleaned from over ten years of experience. It’s not meant to be a definitive guide, just a collection of experiences.

Part 1: Saunas
All sauna’s cost structures are basically the same. The set-up is also the same for most saunas. Upon entry, you pay a set fee to the sauna manager for the time spent in the room, then you are given a key to a locker, a bag for your valuables and a towel. You change, shower and join the girls in the lounge area, where a non-alcoholic drinks are served. You can generally spend as long as you want (sometimes you will have no choice if the place is busy and the number of available girls is limited). You choose a girl and then go through to the room. She will list her prices, you choose what you want and then away you go. A reasonable example of pricing: Entry Fee – (30 mins, £15; 45 mins, £20; 60 mins, £25); Services – (Hand relief, £30; Oral, £35; Sex + oral, £40; Sex + oral cum twice, £50; Two girl, £90-£100). Note that for Premier League Saunas these prices may be increased by £5-10; for poorer saunas and older staff they may be cheaper. Also, if you book an hour, some of the charges for services may be increased by £10. Hours vary, but generally are between 10am-10pm, with a change of shift at 4pm. Best not to go near the ends of shifts are girls are often tired and looking forward to getting home. Extra services such as anal, rimming, water sports, corporal punishment, are non-standard and should be negotiated if the girl lists it as a service.

Premier League Saunas:
1. London Street Sauna, London Street 0131 556 8848 Personally this is not my favorite, as I find the entrance is much too public – right next to a busy roundabout at the end of one of Edinburgh’s liveliest streets. However, it has a huge following due to its policy of having only young, fit and slim girls working there. LSS has a working sauna, good facilities, although there never seems to be enough rooms available and a lengthy wait can often ensue. This place is very popular with the Chinese community who crowd the place on a Monday and Tuesday (restaurants are shut). They love the young slim girls. There are usually between 5 and 8 girls working, mostly between 18 and 26, sexy and experienced. Don’t go if you are on a tight schedule, but once you have chosen a girl and a room becomes available, you should have a great time. Entry is denied to anyone who is noticeably drunk (takes too long to cum!).

2. Scorpio Sauna, Albion Road 0131 661 9944 Located near Easter Road, opposite the football ground. Very little chance of being seen, hence this place is popular with 30-40 something married men (sounds familiar..). Can be busy at lunchtime and 4-6pm due to businessmen sneaking out for a quick one (sounds even more familiar). Gets quieter before 12 noon, mid afternoon and early evening. Facilities are very good with a lounge area, working sauna and several VIP rooms with the usual Jacuzzi, video and large bed. Selection of girls is more up and down that LSS. There are generally 6-7 girls working with 2-3 young crackers, 2-3 older girls and 2-3 regulars. The girls who have been here a few months and can be classed as regular are Trisha who is very mature (late 40’s) but is popular with older guys; Jessica, who is mid 30’s with red hair and a nice figure and finally Tamara, a busty blonde. Don’t go expecting wall to wall knockout looking girls (although there are some cuties). Go if you want a discreet time in a quiet and relaxing atmosphere. Condoms for oral seem to be the norm here, with no kissing in the room.

3. Newtown Sauna, Hart Street 0131 557 3616 Just around the corner from London Street Sauna, lies the Newtown Sauna. It has a similar set-up – down steps into a basement with a warren of rooms leading off a main hall. A young Spanish guy at the door will take your entry fee and give you a towel. Lounge area and overall décor is not as plush as the ‘Big 2’, but OK nonetheless. The selection of girls is variable with some more mature, plainer types found here. However, the standards of service are very good especially if you like O without. I have been here a dozen times and almost always had it. Even so, there have been one or two disinterested experiences, with younger girls mainly. Girls to go for are Fran, Mia and Rebecca. Useful alternative to LSS if it is too busy (which is often the case). Often one or two gems to be found here.

4. Blair Street Sauna, Blair Street 0131 226 2114 Usual basement style sauna in a busy area of town smack in the middle of tourist land. Décor is similar to Newtown – they are owned by the same people and staff can flit between the two as well. I have been a little put off by this place as it can get extremely busy in the tourist season and in the evenings (being in the heart of pub/club land.) However, it usually carries a good selection of girls, mostly young but some in their 30s and early 40s. But all good pros with the right attitude. Plenty rooms available and so no waiting around. Some girls to look out for are Natalie and Emma.

Division One Saunas:
1. Kareens 0131 667 2255 Not a real sauna – should really be in the Private Flat section. But this place has been around for years and has a fair following of punters. The entrance is a black door on Nicolson Street and is very discreet for those punters that appreciate their anonymity. There are only 2 girls on and the descriptions given on the phone are lurid and prone to exaggeration (e.g nipples like doorstops, kissable lips etc.). They will all do OWO, some to completion. Anal, water sports, bondage, domination, and CP are on the menu. This is the kind of place where if you ask, they will generally do it. Charges are slightly higher than the sauna set up – £10 to maid and £50-70 thereafter. You are liable to be chucked out as soon as you come, even if you shoot after 10 mins. Has a well-equipped dungeon, schoolroom set-up, plastic covered pool for waters ports and lots of toys and restraint gear. All the uniforms you can think of too…. If you are into BDSM, ask for Nadine, a large dark haired girl with touch of the sadistic bitch about her.

2. The Gentle Touch, Argyle Place 0131 477 2648 Or Genital Touch as it is known to punters. Newly done up it now looks cheerful and inviting. Only 2 girls work here, often Lauren and Kim, who are in early to mid 30’s and are excellent at their jobs. They are in competition as to who gives the best deep throat oral in town (without!). My vote is with Lauren. This is a good honest place.

3. Paradise Sauna, Ratcliffe Terrace, 0131 346 8717 West end of town, near Murrayfield Stadium. Usually between 1-3 girls working, often older and fatter than my tastes extend. I have had some good experiences and some poor ones. I once left after 10 minutes after a psychotic bitch accused me of ‘losing control’. But try it for yourself.

4. Executive Sauna Rose St Lane North 0131 225 5252 Off Rose Street in a back lane – entrance is very discreet. Poor policy of allocating girls to punters – you are not allowed to choose unless you are a regular or have booked in advance. Victoria is good – excellent tits with biggish thighs and bum. Some of the others are really rough though. This is the kind of place you go when you have a hour free from the wife when shopping and want to do something other than browse round Waterstones.

5. Carols On Easter Road, 500 yards from Scorpio. Needs a lick of paint and a blast of air freshener. Girls are OK though, mostly plainer, older types with one or two good looking young ones thrown in. 3-4 working. Rooms are cabin style – basic in other words.

6. Dundas Street 0131 558 1564 Never been here entrance is too public.

7. Fingerprints 0131 228 5024 Could hardly be more public – three lanes of traffic all looking at you. I would only enter in the dark in heavy fog.

8. Mayfair 0131 332 3247 I tried twice to get in here, but only two staff on and rather than wait, I left.

9. Mermaids 0131 553 4688 Down in Leith near RLD. Run by two 40-50 something bigger women who do anal, More for less than you would pay up town. It’s your choice.

10. Scruples 0131 557 8742 Been once, but moved away from this area and never went back. The girl was good.

11. Atlantis 0131 657 5575 I’ve never been, so classed in Div 1, but I have my doubts.

Division Two Saunas
1. Fingertips, (you won’t need the phone number) Next to S&N brewery at Fountain birdge. Never, ever go here. The place is run by a coven of hags who rip punters off and are unabashed at doing it. I went here once and having paid my £20 to the mature lady at the door was shown to a room, which consisted of a filthy mattress on a floor, a chair and a telly. She told me to strip off and the girl would be through in a minute. Well, the ‘girl’ turned out to be the old bat herself and she proceeded to start to rub my back. I thought what the hell, part of life’s rich tapestry etc. and asked the price (hoping for a serious discount). She asked for £80 for sex, double the going rate. This tipped the balance and I got up to leave. She then started mouthing off to me about being inexperienced and that I didn’t know the rates complete bollocks. I left to a mouthful of abuse. Don’t do it.

2. Ambassador Sauna, Lothian Road Had a few OK experiences here until lately, when the girls have begun to rip off punters. Typical scam is asking for blatantly more than the going Edinburgh rate – £100 for sex etc. I once chose a girl who looked fantastic – she was Brazilian or Venezuelan, but claimed to be Spanish. I liked the look of her so upgraded to a VIP room. She took that as her cue to try to rip me off. I made to leave – like we all should – and she managed to persuade me to stay, but at my prices. Next time I went I got the same hassle with a different girl. This place has been raided for having drugs on the premises and for having girls under age working. There are some mean looking tattooed thugs hanging around reception. Because the place is well done out and has good facilities, it always gets a stream of punters, particularly stag parties at weekends. It does not need regulars and this is why they rip you off.

3. Sunbed Studio An old hag who tries to force you to accept her for a massage, when there are often one or two nice looking girls working runs this place. It seems as if she has to get her quota of punters whatever. I left here after paying the entry fee.

4. After Eight Round the corner from one or two lap dancing venues, but don’t go here for relief, have a wank in the toilet instead. Place is shabby, girls are all slappers and one was on Valium when I went there. Manager is a slob.

The escort scene in Edinburgh is inevitably linked to the saunas. Phone most saunas and they will be able to get a girl matching your profile to call you back. There are a few escort agencies listed in the phone books and most of them are actually saunas – check the numbers. One agency not to call is Ace Elite or Edinburgh Elite (0585 772763). I called, asking for a slim girl, in her 20s or early 30s medium height. A female called Susie called back, stating she was slim, busty, 35 etc. She sounded older and I told her so, but she persuaded me (I was pissed and it was too late to get into a sauna). Price was £140 for one hour, paid by credit card prior to the visit. When she appeared I thought about sending her back at the door, but didn’t want a fuss. She was 45-50, running to fat, with a bleary bloated face. My Mum looks better. I reluctantly went through with it and gave up after ten minutes after seeing her thread veins, huge varicose veins and after tasting her rotten breath. I have never been so turned off so quickly. You know when you are horny and feel as if you could shag anything – well not this one. I got her a taxi and called the agency, which did not want to know, eventually pulling the phone out of the wall. It was sore writing off £140 to ‘experience’. Saunas to call for escort action are Scorpio, Executive, Fingerprints, Scruples and Atlantis. There are three girls advertised on the Northern Angels website www.northern-angels.com. They look OK but are expensive compared to sauna girls. Also girls called Tanya and Stacey have begun to advertise on the net – Tanya looks OK. Call her on 07971 468311 or Stacey on 07712 208803. Again, £250 for three hours is out of my league so you will have to fill me in on these girls, all you rich buggers out there.

Private Flats
The Sport is the place to look for private flats – local papers stopped carrying the ads a few years ago when it emerged – shock/horror- that the girls were offering more than aromatherapy. Private Flats are notoriously hard to recommend and they are constantly changing location and girls. Usually the neighbors complain when punters start trailing up and down stairs, pressing the wrong buzzer etc. Here are some general points:

1. Watch your car. It is not unknown for a few enterprising youths to watch for punters entering establishments close to where they parked their cars, knowing that they will be occupied for at least 30 minutes. The private flats are often in poorer areas of town, where the rent is cheap, and the crime is high.
2. Understand the language of the maids. ‘Curvy’ means fat, ‘mature’ means over 45, ‘slim’ means almost fat. Accept all ages quoted with a large pinch of salt – add 8 years and you will have a better idea.
3. Be prepared to walk out after paying your tenner to the maid. Don’t get your clothes off until you have seen the girl you are going to screw. If she is not what you are looking for, tell her you’re sorry and head for the door – they wont stop you, they have got their tenner.
4. Get prices before you get too far. Make sure that you are paying for the time, not the act.
5. Be prepared to pay a bit more. Prices are generally £10 to the maid then £40-70 on top of that, often for just half an hour. The phone and the doorbell will be going all the time and I have seen punters smuggled into the toilet rather than be seen by another.

Having said all that I have had some good times in private flats. Some recommendations are:
0131 221 xxxx – Gardners Crescent in Centre of town
0131 221 xxxx – Murdoch Terrace, near Fountain Park
0131 228 xxxx – Castle Terrace.

Street Girls
The street action in Edinburgh is small due to the official tolerance of the saunas, which are in effect licensed brothels. The RLD in Edinburgh is centered on Coburg Street and Dock Street. It is an industrial area and the police are happy to allow girls to work there. There are no curb crawling laws in Scotland, but there is often a police presence in the RLD but this is purely to make sure the girls don’t stray over the bridge and into the newly developed areas with expensive flats. As a resident in a recognizable car, I have never had the nerve to pick up a girl from the street. I have stopped a few to ask prices though (fearless researcher) and the going rate seems to be £20-25-30 for hand relief, oral and sex. Naturally it stands that as there are so many opportunities in the saunas, the only girls left working the street are the sad, bad and the desperate. There are some skinny heroin addicts and girls who look as if they could be working in a sauna (I wonder why not?). Some punters I know love the thrill of picking girls up from the street and shagging in broad daylight in an industrial estate. Well if that’s your thing Edinburgh, as usual, can oblige.

There are one or two good dungeons in Edinburgh, for those of you who like the harder stuff.

1. Kareens 0131 667 2255 or 2254 Already mentioned above, this is well equipped and discreet. Although the girl on the phone will say the girls do dom/bondage/ CP they are not into role playing and heavier action. For that you need Nadine, who can be terrifying and will (usually) respect your limits. She is not a true domme – she will blow your cock and ride you.

2. Mistress Domina 0709 111 2800 Has a website, but is fully clad from top to toe, so you have no idea what she looks like. She is pretty, plump and quietly spoken, but is a good dom. Prices are not cheap – £90 for an hour of mild domination. She is a pro dom and so you will have to toss yourself off at the end of your session.

3. Mistress Pia 0131 622 0575 Haven’t tried her, but she has been advertising in the Sport for long enough to be well established.

Lap Dancing/Strip Pubs etc
If you want to get yourself in the mood for a session at a sauna, you can do no better than starting off at one of the following venues:

1. The Fantasy Bar At Tollcross, at the end of Lothian Road. The entrance is pretty public, but hey, you were just going in for a laugh with your mates, weren’t you? Opens at 4.00pm, closes at 1-2am. Free entry up to 8.00pm, after that it’s £10, which gets you a ticket for your first dance. There are usually 7-10 girls working, mostly all 7-9 in quality, with a few stunners. I have never been disappointed by the choice. Price of drinks is £2.50 for a bottle of Miller, so no dearer than a nightclub. The girls mingle with the punters and if you go in a group will chat amongst you without putting pressure on you to take them for a dance. All the dancing takes place in a separate room, although occasionally a girl will do a turn in the bar if the clientele needs a little warming up. Dances cost £5 and last 3-4 minutes. The more you pay, the more graphic the girls may be, although this varies. There is the usual no touching rule, no propositioning etc. The girls will climb on top of you, slide down your cock, fake oral, fake sex and rub their tits in your face. You will come home reeking of perfume, so beware! I can’t fault the place. Gets busy at weekends and stag parties can be boisterous, but usually good fun. The security is good and there is rarely any trouble.

2. Bottoms Up On Lothian Road, next to the Ambassador Sauna. I am not sure if there is common ownership, but it is rumored that girls flit between the sauna and the bar if things are quiet on the punting front. Need to be a bit better dressed up for this place. Same set-up as the Fantasy Bar, but with more girls available, and some absolute crackers. Usually 10-12 girls working, bar prices reasonable and the place is secure. I don’t go often as it is too exposed a site – although I would go with mates.

3. Burke and Hare A pub in the pubic triangle – West Bow. If you know where the Grass market is, follow the road which heads towards Lothian Road and you will come across a few pubs with strippers and lap dancing. The B&H is on the rough side, with a few dodgy looking individuals. Girls will stroll about the place, chatting to punters and some will ask you for a lap dance if things are quiet. Stripping action takes place on a pool table, lap dancing behind a screen. If have been to a few strip nights and they can be riotous, with a lot of interaction between punters and girls.

4. Western Bar Great favorite, despite the smell of Jeyes Fluid, which greets you as you walk in. Regular strips all day, with often amazingly disinterested girls dancing. The sullen look is a true art form in this place. They have lap dancing – behind a screen.

5. Tipplers Bread Street, 100 yards from the Western Bar. Occasionally have a stripper or two on, but the place is really tiny. They have a room upstairs which has been the scene for many a stag night.

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